So Many Ways to Worry

Worry.  It goes hand-in-hand with guilt.  And from my limited experience, it seems that some people seem to feel both these emotions more strongly and more frequently than me.  At least, that is what my wife tells me.  As in, "You never feel guilty or worry about anything!"  I don't think that this is a true statement, but from her perspective it probably is.  My weak and anemic flutters of worry and guilt just don't register on her Richter scale of tectonic emotions at all.

In observing the worries of my wife, mom, sisters, daughters and other people I know, I have come to realize that it goes way deeper than just how much or how often the emotions are felt - I need new terms to accurately identify the classifications of worry and/or guilt.  Here are a few of these new (to me) types of worry and guilt that I have identified thus far:

Mom Guilt/Worry
I think most people have at least seen this one in action.  I assume some Dad's may feel this (indeed, I might if my teenage girls start dating biker gang members or something), but it's mostly the Moms who have this one down pat.  This is the worry that drives Moms to say things like, "Put on a sweater - you might get cold."  If the Mom feels the worry, then inevitably she's going to feel guilt later.  Not about the worry-driven advice - but that she should have given more advice.  "I knew I should have warned him to wear rubber boots!  Now he'll catch the flu!"

The Circle of Guilt
Two or more parties are required for this one to play out.  It all starts when someone does a favor for somebody else (both of whom have high levels of worry/guilt).  Then the circle begins...  Observe:

Person A: "You were so nice to watch my kids for five minutes - I owe you one!"
Person B: "It's the least I could do, when you invited my daughter to play for a couple of hours last week."
Person A: "Oh, that!  My girls love to play with your daughter so that was really a favor you did for me."
Person B: "Well, I wanted to pay you back for watching my kids the other day --"
Person A: "You already paid me back for that with those yummy cookies you shared with me!  I owe you a treat!"
Person B: "I hated to ask you to watch them, since you gave me such a nice Christmas gift last year and I didn't get you anything!"
Person A: "But I owed you for that nice note you wrote me and helping us move my Grandma's stuff."
Person B: "Ooo, now I really owe you one!"

I have observed this one so frequently that I am amazed that it hasn't been codified by Webster.  I don't get it.

Post-Conversation Stress Disorder (PCSD)
Endlessly reviewing what was said in a conversation, looking for nuances that might have some hidden meaning or insult.  Agonizing over the possibility that so-and-so was offended.  Worrying about the fallout such an ill-fated communication will certainly incur.  It's better just not to say anything at all - or maybe an apology is in order?  Surely they will never want to speak to us again...
As Hamlet so wisely said, "Angels and ministers of grace defend us!"  If you are around anyone who is having a PCSD episode, find some way to change the subject - fast!  Any kind of distraction will do!  The life you save could be your own.

Empathetic Guilt/Worry
Feeling guilty or worrying about something that is completely out of your control - sometimes even on a different continent or time period.  "I feel so bad for kids who will grow up on the Lunar base - they won't get to play on the grass with puppies!  And how can I help that?  You can't put that kind of experience in a letter and tell them to open it in 80 years.  Oh, those poor kids..."  People who are good at this method can go all day - check in on them frequently to make sure they are getting some food and sleep.

Quantum Worrying

This results when the emotions and thoughts lead to a macroscopic quantum effect.  It's impressive, really.  Worrying about the consequences of events that can only occur when both options of an either-or choice are selected.  An emotional Schrödinger's cat experience.  "Oh, no - lipgloss!  She must want me to kiss her...  Should I do it or not?  I won't!  And then she'll ask me to so I will.  And what if my breath smells like Doritos?  She'll never want to kiss me again!  She'll hate me for not kissing her and tell all her friends that I think she's ugly.  Crap, I'm not a good kisser and she's going to be disappointed with my poor skills and tell her friends that, too."  Actually, I think this one is kind of cool!  These worriers have no idea that they can think using such abstract theories of physics, I'll bet.

So there you have it.  Five classifications of worry/guilt that those of you who don't participate in can get a firmer grip on.  It will help you to better understand and communicate with worriers.  Maybe.